No. Not even close. Deserving? No. Smart? No.
Worthless? Yes. Lost? Completely. Empty? Always.
There are times, brief moments, when I feel whole, but they're gone in an instant.
It's not the memories of my childhood, thoughts of lost family. It's just a feeling.
It takes my hand, tells me I'm all these things. Worthless, Lost, Empty.
It's comforting, in a way. A warm feeling of emptiness and self-hate.
Like a blanket of sorrow. It pulls me down and I let it.
It should. Pull me all the way down.
But I have them.
And though She tells me I should go, I stay.
Because he says he wants me here. And who am I to argue?
He's a god. I'm a pathetic heathen compared to him.
With him I feel human, like I belong.
I should go, but instead I stay.